Sign in a Laundromat:

Sign in a London department store:

In an office:

On a church door:

Outside a photographer's studio:

Seen at the side of a Sussex road:

Outside a disco:

Sign warning of quicksand:

Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:

Notice in a dry cleaner's window:

Sign on motorway garage:

Notice in health food shop window:

Spotted in a safari park:

Seen during a conference:

Notice in a field:

Sign on a repair shop door:

Sign at Norfolk farm gate:

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:

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Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

You join a health club and don't go.

You're still chasing women, but can't remember why.

You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.